Real Emotions....................

Three years, six months and fifteen days ago, a love story bloomed with all wonders. And I may say that this was "the love story of my life." For the very first time, I fought for love or should I say, my promised love. At this very moment, it’s hard for me to recall and recap all those wonderful moments we had together ’cause the pain still embraces my heart. And I never would be denying the fact that I was really hurt, and worst, BROKEN. The second time around with the same person....again....

My life has always been an open-book to everyone. The love story was also witnessed by all. But then, not all stories end up as fairy tales and sadly, mine didn’t. At first, I wanted to win the battle for my promised love. I stood strong and firm in fighting for it. Then there came a really "strong storm" in our relationship and as much as I was hurt and wanted to give-up, I still continued the fight. Even though I was the only one fighting at some point in time. My reason was simple, "I didn’t love just to be happy. It wasn’t just happiness that I loved in falling in love but also the sadness that comes its way." I welcomed the trials, the storms and all the sadness and hurts that broke my heart into pieces. Never did I leave him in all these tragedies. I stayed even in the darkest hours of its story.

Ever since the start, I’ve always known myself as being a fighter. I’ve been through a lot but I continued my journey. One day, GOD tested my strength. The world turned its back on me. Miseries came to me one by one. At one point in time I was already wounded and weak. I was hospitalized and while in the hospital, I wrote him a letter saying "This is the time when I need you most." The night of it I found out that he is with someone. He dint say anything or give me any idea of anything. Didn’t he know how hard it was for me to accept everything? Didn’t he know how painful it was for me to go through all this alone and not knowing why? It hurts and it does ’til now.

I realized that I am not in control of everything. And everything wouldn’t be the way I want it to be ’cause its only my life that I am in control of. I was hurt so badly and the wounds in me would really take millions to heal. I had a lot of opportunities to do something bad in revenge but I chose to heal. Alone. I could have continued this fight but I guess fighting while being hurt is enough to prove my love. I chose to heal alone since it’s my life that I’m only in control of. It has never been easy for me to go through all this. The pains and the sorrows kill me every night.

I’m not denying the fact that up to this moment, while I am doing this entry, I am crying. Crying ’cause I loved with all my heart and I didn’t imagine that this will be his response to all the love I’ve given him. One day in time, if GOD will permit, you will be able to read this entry. And I just want you to know that this heart of mine loved you UNCONDITIONALLY. Even though he hurt me a lot, even though he raised my spirit up with lies. I fought for it, i really did. It wasn’t me who broke the promises. But I accepted it ’cause I know true love sets free. Even you said "NO" to breaking up. I ask you why you said not now. I asked again why we didn't just end this relationship you told me again "NO". So you just hang up just like that. Doing this kills my heart in despair but it’s okay, I still choose to let go.

By now, I have to move on, make myself better and compose myself once again. I have to rebuild the broken pieces of me and search for the pieces of me that were lost. People care about those people who care about themselves and I should be the first one to care for myself before anyone else does. And during this time, I’ll still continue the fight, not for my promised love but rather for my journey of life. In this new world, new place, new people and new friend...