Real Emotions....................

2009-05-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

Three years, six months and fifteen days ago, a love story bloomed with all wonders. And I may say that this was "the love story of my life." For the very first time, I fought for love or should I say, my promised love. At this very moment, it’s hard for me to recall and recap all those wonderful moments we had together ’cause the pain still embraces my heart. And I never would be denying the fact that I was really hurt, and worst, BROKEN. The second time around with the same person....again....

My life has always been an open-book to everyone. The love story was also witnessed by all. But then, not all stories end up as fairy tales and sadly, mine didn’t. At first, I wanted to win the battle for my promised love. I stood strong and firm in fighting for it. Then there came a really "strong storm" in our relationship and as much as I was hurt and wanted to give-up, I still continued the fight. Even though I was the only one fighting at some point in time. My reason was simple, "I didn’t love just to be happy. It wasn’t just happiness that I loved in falling in love but also the sadness that comes its way." I welcomed the trials, the storms and all the sadness and hurts that broke my heart into pieces. Never did I leave him in all these tragedies. I stayed even in the darkest hours of its story.

Ever since the start, I’ve always known myself as being a fighter. I’ve been through a lot but I continued my journey. One day, GOD tested my strength. The world turned its back on me. Miseries came to me one by one. At one point in time I was already wounded and weak. I was hospitalized and while in the hospital, I wrote him a letter saying "This is the time when I need you most." The night of it I found out that he is with someone. He dint say anything or give me any idea of anything. Didn’t he know how hard it was for me to accept everything? Didn’t he know how painful it was for me to go through all this alone and not knowing why? It hurts and it does ’til now.

I realized that I am not in control of everything. And everything wouldn’t be the way I want it to be ’cause its only my life that I am in control of. I was hurt so badly and the wounds in me would really take millions to heal. I had a lot of opportunities to do something bad in revenge but I chose to heal. Alone. I could have continued this fight but I guess fighting while being hurt is enough to prove my love. I chose to heal alone since it’s my life that I’m only in control of. It has never been easy for me to go through all this. The pains and the sorrows kill me every night.

I’m not denying the fact that up to this moment, while I am doing this entry, I am crying. Crying ’cause I loved with all my heart and I didn’t imagine that this will be his response to all the love I’ve given him. One day in time, if GOD will permit, you will be able to read this entry. And I just want you to know that this heart of mine loved you UNCONDITIONALLY. Even though he hurt me a lot, even though he raised my spirit up with lies. I fought for it, i really did. It wasn’t me who broke the promises. But I accepted it ’cause I know true love sets free. Even you said "NO" to breaking up. I ask you why you said not now. I asked again why we didn't just end this relationship you told me again "NO". So you just hang up just like that. Doing this kills my heart in despair but it’s okay, I still choose to let go.

By now, I have to move on, make myself better and compose myself once again. I have to rebuild the broken pieces of me and search for the pieces of me that were lost. People care about those people who care about themselves and I should be the first one to care for myself before anyone else does. And during this time, I’ll still continue the fight, not for my promised love but rather for my journey of life. In this new world, new place, new people and new friend...

Fall In LOve

2009-04-13T18:32:00.001-07:00

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.
Love doesn't hurt all the time, though the hurting is still there to test you and to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go.
We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love you even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejections; to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength.
But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom that they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that these were the things which helped you grow. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we get hurt, then I figured that's why it's called falling in love.
When you decide to love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love, refuse to let it die!

Love, Pain, Trust, Love....

Real Emotions....................

Fall In LOve